Break Me
by yuki-nakayama-hidaka
Summary: Kaoru is worried about Hikaru. Upon confronting him - Hikaru has only one request.


Disclaimer: I do not own - I only wish I did...

Warning: Twincest - Boys kissing - don't like don't read

Reviews: Please - if you have some time!

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**Break me**

_(Kaoru's POV)_

Laughter fills the expanse of Music Room 3. It tingles, it delights - and I honestly don't like it any other way. Where there is laughter, there is often friendship and love - which thankfully, this place is full of.

From my perch on the love seat I can see Tono giving Haruhi the puppy dog face, and several princesses around them cooing over how cute it is. I can see Mori-sempai and Honey-sempai playing with cake, which in turn is making their princesses laugh. I can see Kyouya-sempai scribbling away on his secretive book... I however, cannot see my brother.

He was here moments ago before he had excused himself. He said something about getting a drink so I thought nothing of it... However...

"Hikaru's been gone a little while ne?"

I dutifully look at the young girl who had spoken and smile the sweetest of smiles, even though my mind is beginning to become anxious. "I'm sure he's been caught up asking to help someone but..." I pause for dramatic effect as I lift one hand to hold over my heart, "I can't help but feel the pain of heartache when he's not here..." As expected there was a loud squeal and several sighs of how wonderful the Hitachiin's brotherly love is.

If only they knew how hard it was to keep the act an act, and to not openly show how we truely feel for each other. I'm sure there would be severe blood loss and heart attacks... Only behind closed doors could we really be... and even then... we had to be careful of the "real" world crushing out own little "bubble" world.

I am brought out of my thoughts when the princesses beginning to squeal.

"HiKaRu!~"

I turn towards where they are directing their squeals, behind me, to see Hikaru approaching. He did indeed have a tray of drinks, but I noticed that wasn't all he had with him. To everyone else, to the untrained eye, Hikaru was smiling his usual smile. However, if they looked... as in really looked... they could see that his eyes were hollow, and that a metaphorical storm cloud was pelting down on him. My eyes widen slightly. What had happened to Hikaru in the time he left us and returned with the drinks.

"Sorry I'm late - I got held up!" Hikaru apologises, gracing the princesses at our table with what they took as a heartfelt look. They all swoon and giggle, when one pipes up bravely, "Kaoru missed you dearly!" Even though it was vocalised, it was something that never needed to be - it was a given.

Hikaru turns his gaze to mine, and I can see something akin to frustration mixed with helplessness flitter past his eyes. I don't think it's directed at me, as I have not done anything recently to annoy or upset Hikaru, but I don't' understand where it has come from - let alone who it's meant for.

Hikaru places a hand to the side of my head on the back of the loveseat, and takes a gentle hold of my face to tilt it up towards his. I can't stop the flutter of my heart and the natural blush which rises to my face.

"I'm sorry for leaving you so long... Kaoru..." The way he almost whispered my name made my ears burn and the girls squeal. "It hurt... Hikaru... I - I missed you so much..." And in truth it wasn't a lie. I did miss him, and my head hurt more trying to think of where he was. More squeals as he gently cups my cheek and brushes a thumb over my skin lightly. "Perhaps - I should kiss it better?" he says leaning so close to my lips I could feel his breath ghost across them. However, at the last moment - he kisses just off towards my cheek - which is enough for the girls who are now cheering more than I have heard all day... Which is a lot.

We pull back from each other's embraces as we hear the shadow king announce that the host club is now closed and that the guests must depart for the evening. I look at Hikaru but he's not looking at me. He's looking somewhere off into the distance, which is fine... for now... It gives me a chance to study him.

I can see that his back is rigid and shoulders stiff. I can see he's trying so hard to control his emotions, and I'm surprised at how well he is doing. For everyone to say I am the maturest - well, I am to a point, but in other areas, you don't get much more maturer that Hikaru... He's just slow sometimes...

I feel that enough is enough and I get up off the love seat I had been occupying. Moving slowly so as to not startle my beloved brother, I gently call his name until I get his attention. He tries to smile, but I can see it's a struggle for him. I want to ask what is wrong, but now is not the time or place. "Let me finish up with Kyouya-sempai then we'll go home ne?" I can only nod as he is already moving away from me.

I bide my time and wait.

After he is done with the shadow king, we say out harmonious good-byes and leave the club room. Hikaru doesn't hold my hand as we leave the music room, nor does he embrace me when we are seated in the limo. I am really worried now. Even in his most troubled times we always had some form of contact. Now however... it was like someone was freezing Hikaru from the inside out. He was thinking hard - which was never a good thing.

When we arrive home, we dump our bags at the bottom of the staircase for the maids and then as per routine, head upstairs to our shared bedroom. As soon as the door is shut behind me, I turn to face Hikaru. He hasn't moved more than 2 feet away from me - frozen on the spot.

"Hikaru..." I start. I don't really know what to say... Something about the situation makes me feel like we're balanced on a knifes edge - and any wrong sudden move could spell the end. I try again since he doesn't look at me. Even to my ears I sound anxious, worried. I could not be prepared for the look he gave me when he turned and lifted his eyes to mine.

"I'm so tierd..." Defeat. Resignation. I could see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice so clearly. That was what I couldn't identify back at the music room. I couldn't because I had never seen him express those feelings. He never had them!

Never had them? Of course he did - he just hid it well.

Hid it. He's tierd of hiding.

"H-Hikaru..." I don't know what to say. I do the only thing I can and embrace him. Even though he relaxes minutely - he's still awkward in my arms. I beg him with soft whispers in his ear to tell me what's wrong.

"I.." There's a lump in my throat as I hear the struggle he is having articulate his feelings. "I've had enough of pretending it doesn't hurt... You know Kaoru that I will forever be there to protect you... but... How can I ask you to protect me if that means you get hurt? I'm not protecting you then - am I?"

Even though his words came out in a harsh confession, I understood the logic, and I begin to weep inside. Ever since I can remember, whatever the problem was, Hikaru would be there to protect me. He was always in control.

"Break me..."

I blink out of my thoughts as Hikaru's shaky breath ghosts across my ear. "Huh? What - Hikaru?" I'm confused by his request.

"Break me - " He says with more conviction, moving to lock eyes with mine. "- and then mend me the only way you know how..." even as he trails off, his confidence slowly dissipating, it is like a light bulb has gone off behind my eyes. He doesn't know how to not be in control, and by having that disposition, he's been suffering from a build up of emotions and complexes. The complexities of my brother have now had some light shone upon them.

"Ok" I whisper as I begin to kiss along his jaw line, taking control. I will make him surrender to me, I will break him, and then... I will build him up the only way I know how... With love.

_**Author: *If you like this - let me know! I was thinking of doing a second chapter from Hikaru's POV***_


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